Welcome :) To the pages of my creativity

Im in my early 40’s, and both my parents are gone.  My mother, scattered to the four directions, my father, a decorated hero, laying in Arlington, for the sacrifice he made for this country, tho it took decades to take him from the living world, but none the less, his love for what America stands for, and the willingness to see it stand for my generation, he did what was necessary. 

For decades I thought upon the opening words to this tale that is my life, and in late 2008, they came to me while watching Merlin, looking up, and seeing the first picture ever taken of my parents.  The morals and lessons they imbued in me live, and have seen me though many hardships and pain.  One lesson in particular that my father taught me has enabled me many successes in difficult times, and I will share it with you….

Never judge, because there are ALWAYS two sides to every situation.  Hear both sides, before acting or placing judgment upon any situation or person. 

Which brings me to this.  Memories.  Memories are unique to each person, with the power to bring emotion of it to the forefront of our thoughts.  Powerful, intriguing, and the basis of who and what we are.  Some people, like me, have the ability to disassociate emotion from painful things, and even, given what we are remembering, the ability to hide them.  Both the feeling and the experience of that moment can be remembered or hidden.

The trick is, as you move through life, is to be honest with yourself.  And I can tell you that is hard indeed.  A few words from personal experience would be, betrayal (to me or what I did) rape, loss of everything, and the list goes on, and on, and on.  Sometimes in life we hide what we need to learn, and when we do, it eventually comes out to shape us.  Weather we want it or not.  Again, it’s hard, and can be very inconvenient in its timing.  But that is what self truth is; forgive the words, a bitch slap from within.

I would like to think that a measure of a person is the ability to look at and confront these things, no matter how painful.  Having lived for 2 years in a safe house, I have seen firsthand what denial can cost a person.  I was the person these women trusted and talked to, even at 3 in the morning, I would always help.  Wait, let me re phrase that, I would listen, and never judge.  Ask questions that would make them think and turn inwards, and let them know it was alright to look at the hidden things and flaws, and bring self questioning honesty come out.   And I can tell you these shadows can be terrifying to deal with.

I move through life now, inwardly analyzing and adjusting.  And I’ve noticed emotion is not very popular right now in this age.  So, in essence, I am unique, and I make people around me very uncomfortable.   Untruths, self denial, and arrogance.  Cant stand them, don’t want to be around it, but I don’t judge, and I know that when a person is that way, they are hiding from themselves.  I’ve yet to meet arrogance that is justified, and I did indeed marry a person like that, because his mind was amazing.  But yes, I screwed it up, because I hid from myself, allowed the past to haunt me and dictate how I should think and feel.  And trust me, I miss conversations that we had.  Especially about black holes and the Theory of relativity.  He knew, because of the past, that I had a hatred of mathematics.  You try being screamed at by your parents to learn math, while you have a freakishly big I.Q..and not develop a aberrance to math.

So anyway, there is the intro, take your time and enjoy, and if you have questions or comments, please email me at taossurfergirl@gmail.com.  I would love honest critique and suggestions, and if you want your own pages up here with full credit to you, let me know, and I will make it happen.....

And I will also have some interesting Pagan things, for those of you who walk the path.  Take a look at the Poem BoS for some cool stuff.....

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