Welcome :) To the pages of my creativity
Im in my early 40’s, and both my parents are gone.
My mother, scattered to the four directions, my father, a decorated
hero, laying in Arlington, for the sacrifice he made for this country, tho
it took decades to take him from the living world, but none the less, his
love for what America stands for, and the willingness to see it stand for my
generation, he did what was necessary.
For decades I thought upon the opening words to this
tale that is my life, and in late 2008, they came to me while watching
Merlin, looking up, and seeing the first picture ever taken of my parents.
The morals and lessons they imbued in me live, and have seen me
though many hardships and pain.
One lesson in particular that my father taught me has enabled me many
successes in difficult times, and I will share it with you….
Never judge, because there are ALWAYS two sides to
every situation. Hear both
sides, before acting or placing judgment upon any situation or person.
Which brings me to this.
Memories. Memories are
unique to each person, with the power to bring emotion of it to the
forefront of our thoughts.
Powerful, intriguing, and the basis of who and what we are.
Some people, like me, have the ability to disassociate emotion from
painful things, and even, given what we are remembering, the ability to hide
them. Both the feeling and the
experience of that moment can be remembered or hidden.
The trick is, as you move through life, is to be honest
with yourself. And I can tell
you that is hard indeed. A few
words from personal experience would be, betrayal (to me or what I did)
rape, loss of everything, and the list goes on, and on, and on.
Sometimes in life we hide what we need to learn, and when we do, it
eventually comes out to shape us.
Weather we want it or not. Again,
it’s hard, and can be very inconvenient in its timing.
But that is what self truth is; forgive the words, a bitch slap from
within.
I would like to think that a measure of a person is the
ability to look at and confront these things, no matter how painful.
Having lived for 2 years in a safe house, I have seen firsthand what
denial can cost a person. I was
the person these women trusted and talked to, even at 3 in the morning, I
would always help. Wait, let me
re phrase that, I would listen, and never judge.
Ask questions that would make them think and turn inwards, and let
them know it was alright to look at the hidden things and flaws, and bring
self questioning honesty come out.
And I can tell you these shadows can be terrifying to deal with.
I move through life now, inwardly analyzing and
adjusting. And I’ve noticed
emotion is not very popular right now in this age.
So, in essence, I am unique, and I make people around me very
uncomfortable. Untruths,
self denial, and arrogance.
Cant stand them, don’t want to be around it, but I don’t judge, and I know
that when a person is that way, they are hiding from themselves.
I’ve yet to meet arrogance that is justified, and I did indeed marry
a person like that, because his mind was amazing.
But yes, I screwed it up, because I hid from myself, allowed the past
to haunt me and dictate how I should think and feel.
And trust me, I miss conversations that we had.
Especially about black holes and the Theory of relativity.
He knew, because of the past, that I had a hatred of mathematics.
You try being screamed at by your parents to learn math, while you
have a freakishly big I.Q..and not develop a aberrance to math.
These
pages will have my work on it. Please remember that I am published and
nothing can be copied or reproduced without my permission
